“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Last week someone who claims to be my friend, asked me this. It’s funny how the people who end up in your friend or family circles take the liberty to be such assholes once they think they’ve secured a spot.
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Happens to be one sentence you should probably never say to my face; though I’ve heard it countless times. The comment does not anger me because of the implication- that my job is lesser than other people’s. I am secure with my life’s decisions- aka my choice to not have a “real job.” The comment only angered me for only one reason- because this was not the first person that said it to me.
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Never. That’s when. But it’s not that simple. I didn’t think to say that at the time. I was, of course, off put by the rudeness and insensitivity of his words, especially since I always treated him with respect and kindness. Never would I drag his job through the mud the way they tore apart mine.
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
I don’t even want to share with you the sentences that surrounded the sentence above- they were definitely rude to say the least. And could someone please define “real job” for me? What would a “real job” be considered? Let me list a few of the jobs of the people who have said this to me: movie theater box office person, barely employed repair man, and factory worker. That’s just to name a few.
“When am I going to get a real job?” Shouldn’t I be asking them the same question? Not because I consider their jobs subordinate-like they do mine- but because they have told me countless times how much they hate them! Despite their nastiness, I don’t fight dirty, and didn’t lower myself to tearing down their “real jobs.” I would never say something that hurtful to anyone. So why are they so nasty to me?
It does hurt a little that my so-called friend had the nerve to utter this comment- especially during the pinnacle of my writing success thus far. When he insulted what I do, it went far beyond that. With his statement he not only invalidated the years of hard work I put into to reaching this point in my career but implied that everything I’d done so far was meaningless.
What would cause a person to take their job -a job that they profess to hate- and measure it up to my own?
Obviously there is only one reason they took the time to try to tear my life down- jealousy! They hate their jobs. They wish they had an advanced degree. And they have big dreams that they are not yet accomplishing. They are my polar opposites in most ways, yet it seems they would rather be in my position then their own. But everything takes sacrifice….
Are they willing to sacrifice their “real jobs” to take a chance- like I did- or are they too afraid of what will happen should they fail? Though they indefinitely have the mental capacity to complete a degree- do they care enough to make the time and monetary investment and then actually go for it? And as for their big dreams- if they aren’t working towards them now, when do they plan on starting?
Sure if they did this they would probably be broke and have to get a crappier apartment. They might even have to stay with their parents for a while, but it all takes sacrifice. And why do they want me to leave my career and go get a nine-to-five just to appease them?
You see, I’ve had lots of real jobs, receptionist, waitress, substitute teacher, and I could go on…Each and every one of them made me feel inferior or otherwise bad about myself in some way. In none of these positions was I treated with an acceptable amount of respect. Most of all, I was miserable.
One day, I was reading The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer, And I turned to a page that read something like, “If you do what you love, the money will follow.” I thought about it for a minute, and the next day I handed in my resignation letter. It was terrifying at first- but only because people were ridiculing me for doing it!
I spent the rest of the year making and selling beaded jewelry. I did quite well at first but couldn’t stay focused. My mind turned back towards writing. I pulled my old manuscript out of the drawer and within three months of quitting my “real job,” I finally finished it.
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Last week, before he uttered the sentence, he had the nerve to try and hit me where they thought it would really hurt; my finances. Through comparing my finances to his, he tried to make me feel inferior. It didn’t work. I know this person’s car is nicer and newer than mine, and that he has an expensive apartment in a complex with all sorts of awesome amenities, and I am happy for him, really I am. If I wanted what he had, I would have found a way to get it by now. The only thing I want, I already have.
I would like to point out one thing about the people who dared to utter this comment to me: they were all men.
For the most part, the U.S. has historically been a patriarchy. Perhaps that’s why they call it the “Greatest Country in the World.” They’re making more than the women and keeping us in our place while doing it. In fact, the pay gap hasn’t changed much since the Women’s Rights Movement began 40 years ago. I am a woman living in a country where a woman only makes 77% of what a man makes in a comparable position.
I started my career writing for the feminist blog Gender Across Borders. Most times I mentioned this to a man, he typically responded with an eyebrow raise and insinuations that I was a crazy lesbian man-hater. I’m not a lesbian, crazy, or a man hater- and although I have not witnessed this man-hating phenomena in person- I’ve been associated with it many times. However, there is something I have witnessed; something quite the opposite. Woman-hating from men who claim to be my friends or family. Do you really think these guys would have the balls to speak to another man the way they spoke to me? Well not if they didn’t want a fist in their face.
All I have to say is don’t ever, ever listen to someone who is trying to knock you down! (And be suspicious of their motives!)