Is there a pattern in your life? Does everyone you date end up being a total waste of your time? Are they nice at first but then after the first or second date (or sometimes even before) you start to see their true colors? And somehow you still keep picking them.
Are jerks generally more physically attractive and fit than their kind hearted alternatives? That could be part of it. I know that 100% of the jerks I’ve dated were decent looking or muscular. Maybe this is because jerks have to work on a superficial level to attract potential mates. When they have nothing going on on the inside, pumping iron and developing an appealing physique may still win them some points with the ladies. Am I calling nice men unattractive? Of course not, but I am saying because jerks lack substance, their looks are the only thing they have to attract women, and if it’s not their looks, often a flashy car will do the trick.
Somehow you keep picking them, or maybe you claim that they pick you, whichever it is, you’ve developed a pattern. Why? Well, I think much of it is subconscious and may be similar to why some women date married men. In these scenarios, it is unlikely that the man will divorce his wife to forge a real relationship with the mistress. On some level she knows this, though she tells herself otherwise in order to perpetuate her hope and faith. In order to remain comfortably in the relationship, she lives in a fantasy world.
There is nothing more emotionally off limits than a married person, but single people pursue them anyways. Perhaps this is because a barely-there relationship with the married person (that will inevitably end in disappointment), requires little emotional investment. It is the same with dating jerks. Perhaps some women feel safer in an emotionally barren relationship than they would baring their souls and vulnerabilities in a real relationship.
I am not sure how to break the pattern, having self respect but not giving a jerk a seond thought or date and moving along is one way to move up in the dating world and meet worthy individuals. What do you think?
try giving the “other guys” a chance. get involved with a church group doing something worthwhile. get involved with a group that does things you find interesting and worthwhile like the Humane Society or friends of the library. now is the perfect time to get involved with a political campaign. these are a few activities were you can meet lots of people who enjoy and may have similar values to you. certainly beats the bar scene. i would only ask if you do go out with someone have the decency if it’s not working for you to tell the person. even if you fib and say your not ready for a relationship or your getting back with your old boyfriend something is better than silence. i have had this experience a couple of times recently. i hear women rightfully complain about the guy how doesn’t call after sex and this is similar. maybe it’s payback for the creeps in their past but the problem is I Didn’t Do That! so why punish me? Cheryl and i had been going out for 6 weeks and i thought were having a good time. we went to a party some friends of mine were having and we danced and chatted and had a few adult beverages and a good time was seemingly had by all. a week after the party my friends the hosts asked about the 4 of us getting together for dinner and i told them i hadn’t heard from Cheryl since the day after the party. despite calls and emails from me Nothing in way of response. my friends were amazed because they talked with her and saw her and also figured she was having a lot of fun. through a third party i know she still lives in the area but in the 2 years since the party have never heard from her. this same type of situation happened with another woman about a year before Cheryl and i went out. the circumstances were very similar. i’m a big boy and can handle the news the relationship isn’t working for the other person or even a fib but resent being treated as a non person.
WOW. I hear ya. I totally agree with you- if you don’t like me just tell me, I can handle it, I’ve been rejected before and I will probably be rejected again. I try to look at dating in the same way salesmen look at sales pitches. Every no brings them closer to the inevitable yes. In my case, though I am really getting sick of being asked out by seemingly nice men who turn out to be jerks in disguise I have to keep trying. The only way to ever find a appropriate match (someone who has all the qualities you desire and ACTUALLY wants to be in the relationships as well) is if I continue to take chances on new people. And 90% of the time, those new people are jerks lol
good for you but to be honest i am not actively looking for a companion. i am not closed to the possibility but after awhile the wear and tear on my emotions and psyche don’t seem worth it. i relate this to another experience of mine. i used to be quite active in supporting the local music scene but after a time of going to show after show to hear lackluster and totally derivative music i figured my time could be better spent reading or listening to my tunes at home. when only one band out of ten was remotely memorable the odds said it was time to move on. best of luck to you.