When you have a relationship with a person who is not reliable you cannot let yourself fall in Love with a capital L. There are caring feelings and lots of fun but protecting your heart from the inevitable break has to part of the plan for the relationship. The big loves of my life have all been precarious. I knew going into them that there was danger. The test is to let someone into your inner family circle and be proud of your relationship. If that is not possible society says you should ditch them.
The pain from a break up is something that people warn you about. The morals and rules we have for relationships seem to be in place to avoid damage to your heart. If you love just one person in your life and die happily in their arms you will never experience heartbreak. But I have seen very few people who have a life like that. Even my mother who was married for 50 years has visions and fantasies of how she wished her life had materialized. She was not someone who lived happily ever after no matter what it looks like on the outside.
When you see a happy couple think again. Someone told me that they had made their husband hold hands on the beach to try to be more romantic so don’t imagine that every pair you see strolling along in bliss is in Love. It can be a struggle no matter how responsible the people are. The myths around true love are powerful in society. There is a reason there are so many love songs on the radio. We want to believe that there are soul-mates and forever relationships that do not cause pain. However if we dismiss all the people who do not fit exactly into our perfect life we will miss some good lovers. It is ironic to me that people skilled in the art of love making are often those who are alone in this world because they are not able to maintain a relationship which follow societal rules.
So embarking on a love affair is treacherous. Perhaps ignorance is best when you go into a serious coupling. A simple life can be very satisfying if you don’t ask too many questions. One serious friend and I had a joke where instead of saying “I love you.” we say “I don’t love you”. It provided a safety net for the inability we knew we had for not completely succeeding as a couple. My last boyfriend always laughed when he would get me to say “I love you”. We both knew that it wasn’t possible. Yet the last words I said to him before he died were “I love you and I miss you.”
I am so glad those were my last words.