Since I am writing here about sexual feelings and the idea of finding love in this world the feeling of loneliness seems to be a big part of our search for happiness. When you are finally quiet at the end of the day and go to bed alone what do you think of? What stories do you tell yourself and what are your intimate moments like?
My mother says she is never depressed or lonely. Many people who live alone claim to enjoy it and being part of a couple is trouble sometimes. Being alone is easier than dealing with someone who stirs emotions that are not all positive. But even lone wolves living in the vast wilderness of Alaska are always on the look out for others. Lonely can make you crazy after awhile.
I think everyone feels lonely sometimes but it passes. That must be what my mother means. It isn’t so much that the Blues don’t find her it is that she moves on quickly and never gives up. She appreciates living alone for the first time in her life. I do too. But I am lonely unless I have a guy I like to talk to on the internet or on the phone and the hope that I could be part of a couple again.
I have a network of men that I can call at anytime to kill that lonely feeling. These are fellows that didn’t work out as permanent relationships but are forever tied with feelings of love and companionship that last. Our conversations start exactly where we left off even if months have passed. I have a few girlfriends I can talk to in this capacity but mostly in my life I have preferred the company of men. They turn me on.
Loneliness hits you when you are walking down the hall or sitting in the backyard. You don’t expect it to find you it in the mundane moments but you do. All of a sudden I feel the Blues and tears come to my eyes. “I’m lonely.” I moan and the emotion is so strong that sometimes I just have to sit down until it passes. Is it the soul yearning for completion? Is it human nature to want company? Like a frog on the search for a mate we make croaking sounds to see if there is anyone around.
That is why I do online dating. I am not using it to get a short term jolly. I want to make a connection. I made one just this week and already he is on my mind a lot and I am looking forward to our next communication. He is lonely too. I don’t know if that is a good place to start a relationship but when I see that lonely feeling seeping away a little more after every email he sends I feel a sense of relief. The black cloud lifts for a moment and there is hope.