Category Archives: Healing

Huff Post Live

I have been on a few more Huff Post Live segments since I last wrote blogged, however, the following link is to only one of those shows. I thought if you saw any of them, you should see this very special one which features the brilliant Dr. Deepak Chopra

http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/504e3e4ffe3444468e000138

Hayley

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Filed under Growth, Healing, Inspirational, Life Lessons, Love, News, Political, Writing

The Boxer

 March 20, 2011
“I am just a poor boy but my story’s seldom told, I have squandered my resistance for a pocket full of mumbles such are promises”

I am writing because I have failed again at something that just a few days ago I viewed as important. For the last two years I have tried my hand at so any different things, all bohemian. These endeavors have brought me little success and even less money. So why do I keep trying when every door I open is violently slammed in my face?

“Asking only workman’s wages I come looking for a job, but I get no offers,”

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Filed under Friendship, Growth, Healing, Journal, Life Lessons, relationships

Are You Closed Hearted?

After watching one too many Good Morning America interviews, my mother came to the conclusion “Hayley, you’re just like Taylor Swift.” Outright sounded like a compliment as Taylor Swift is pretty, talented and rich, but it wasn’t. She meant that I was just like Taylor Swift in the sense that I too keep getting my heart broken and dumped by guys though, like Taylor Swift, I too am somewhat talented and successful (on a much smaller scale of course 😉 ). The similarities are endless because like Taylor Swift, my “art” is inspired by my life. What would I write about if I didn’t have so many dating horror stories? And why do people like me and Taylor Swift keep getting dumped? The answer lies within the heart chakra.

heart chakra

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Filed under Healing, Heart, Life Lessons, Love, Passion, relationships

Relationships After Sexual Assault

Or should I say the “lack of relationships” after sexual assault. Trust is a difficult thing, especially when you’ve fallen victim to a rape. After becoming a victim myself and eventually seeking therapy, I couldn’t trust anyone, not even myself. Can you imagine the feeling of not being able to trust yourself? I am still very mistrustful and fearful. To understand why, I would have to revert back to the crime itself along with some common misconceptions.

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Filed under Domestic Violence, Healing, relationships, Sexual Assault

Becoming Whole

I remember the first day I babysat Melanie. I was in college and a local family hired me to watch her four days a week. Things went really well during the initial consultation. The meeting was arranged to see if she liked me. I did her nails and then we did a puzzle. She did like me, of course, and there I was again the next Monday morning. We waved from the window as her mother drove off. This job is going to be so easy, I remember thinking… And then as soon as her mother’s car was out of site, she burst out screaming and crying. She was only four years old at the time and I was too ignorant to realize that four year olds are essentially the emotional equivalent of year old babies.

My eyes bugged out of my head. I stared at her unsure of what to do. I grew up as an only child and lived a extremely solitary existence for most of my young and adult life. I had minimal experience with children up until that point. Thankfully an inkling of maternal instinct kicked in. I picked her up and soothed her until she stopped crying.

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Filed under Friendship, Growth, Healing, Heart, Inspirational, Journal, relationships

Love like this

Not long ago, I was having an email conversation with a friend who was going through some heart ache. My friend told me her story then asked for my thoughts, but not before she apologized for whining.

“You’re not whining,” I said. “You’re hurting out loud. You have to listen to your heart on whether or not you want to continue on if this other person finishes their lesson. Listen within to what your spirit tells you is good for you, don’t listen to your desires. Listen to what will be Good For Your Soul.”

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Filed under Destiny, Growth, Healing, Heart, Inspirational, Life Lessons, Love, relationships

Now I understand love

Yesterday was my dog’s birthday. Well, it would’ve been. I know I have told this story a million times but hear me out. I had always wanted a little girl dog. My parents took me to a farm. When we pulled up to it, you could see a small play pen in the yard holding three little white puppies. We got out of the car and the lady asked me to help her carry one of the puppies. She handed me one and when it looked into my eyes, for some reason I knew that this was the only dog for me. But it was a boy dog and I wanted a girl… I debated. I knew that if I didn’t pick this puppy, based on whatever it was I saw in his eyes and him in mine, that I would regret it for the rest of my life. I am glad I listened to my heart that day.

I was so tired Saturday morning. QT Pie had been sick that night and I must’ve taken him outside five times. Well actually that could describe every night that week, him waking me up to take him outside five times… or maybe for the last month, I have lost track.  He was starting to get antsy again. I woke up and looked at him. He was staring at me. More like gazing, a loving gaze, really.

When I found out he had renal failure, a month or two earlier,  I spent the night alone crying in the living room. He soon appeared out of nowhere to comfort me like he always had. This of course made me even more upset. Whenever I cried, since I first got him as a 12- year old child, he would lick the tears off of my face and lay down next to me until I felt better.

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Filed under Friendship, Healing, Heart, Journal, Life Lessons, Love

Miracles are Like Seedlings

Miracles are like seedlings, slow. Take for example an event many consider a miracle, the birth of a child. After the sperm and egg meet, it takes approximately nine months for the baby to show up. Nine months of development for the fetus, nine months of waiting for the parents. It takes nine months for a child to be born and even longer to make it happen. There’s the idea of having the baby, planning, and some people try for years before there is a successful conception. Like a seedling, a miracle often takes a long time, but you know it will eventually turn into a tree; this is called belief or faith.

Miracles, or acts of God, are like anything else. They too take planning, waiting, and persevering. For some reason, I, like many others expect miracles to happen instantaneously. Time after time I’ve hit what felt like rock bottom, and expected God or something more powerful than myself to help me find (or think of) the missing puzzle piece, only to hit rock bottom again and again. I think there’s a plausible explanation for this and it lies in scientific fact.

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Filed under Growth, Healing, Inspirational

Becoming the woman I used to be

Lay, Lady, Lay

by Bob Dylan

 

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed

Whatever colors you have in your mind

I’ll show them to you and you’ll see them shine.

 

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed

Until the break of day, let me see you make him smile

His clothes are dirty but his hands are clean

And you’re the best thing that he’s ever seen.

 

Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile

Why wait any longer for the world to begin

You can have your cake and eat it too

Why wait any longer for the one you love

When he’s standing in front of you.

 

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed

Stay, lady, stay, stay while the night is still ahead

I long to see you in the morning light

I long to reach for you in the night

Stay, lady, stay, stay while the night is still ahead?

 

I’ve been too sad lately, it’s been 8 years and I should be over my former husband by now. Everyone wants me to be over it, so that’s how I pretend to be. I miss more than the man, I miss who I was with him. How easy it was to be myself, think what I wanted, feel what I wanted, express what I wanted, be quiet when I wanted. He thought so highly of me, more than I deserved. He was a plain man, quiet, funny with his close friends and  tough as hell, he treated waitresses like they were princesses and his word was gold. I was so proud that someone that good loved me. I don’t do well in captivity but like anyone else I want a soft place to land, and he was mine.

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Filed under Dreams, Fairy Tales, Growth, Healing, Heart, Life Lessons, Love, relationships

What if You Had a Fire and No One Came but Sweet Valley High?

Part 2

Life after the house fire became like the movie Groundhog Day. Every day was the same and I could not see any light at the end of the tunnel. I had no family to call and vent my grief as the only member still alive was my sister. Through constant interference not of our own doing we had not spoken in a few years. I just couldn’t seem to pick up the phone and make the first move because I was stupid.

Life was filled with menial things like picking out wallpaper and hand painting a lot of trim. The firemen had given us a couple of boxes that were decorated like Christmas presents. They had not wanted the kids to be upset so they had wrapped up the perished pets as gifts. Since it was in the dead of winter I could not bury them so I made a tiny raft and sent them down the river.

whyme

The last pet standing was Snoopy who was an emotional mess and he now slept his life away. The dog knew things were out of his control like I did and had lost his friends in the fire so he literally gave up. I would go upstairs every few hours and coax him down to eat or go outside. But most of the time I just hugged him and cried.

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Filed under Friendship, Healing, Heart, Inspirational, Journal, Life Lessons, Poetry