Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Royal Baby Blues

I have the Royal Baby Blues. Yesterday, my mother and I tearfully watched the appearance of this new born royal on the public stage. Why am I crying? I wondered. An easy question to answer. In my brain I was calculating that Kate dated William for six years before they got married and had this baby. I am single and the last few years of my dating life has felt like I’ve been a stumbling zombie going bar to bar through some mediocre pub crawl. Sure it got me out of the house, but was it worth it?

Age is a factor. My fear of being single forever has really kicked into high gear in the last year as Prince Charming continues to elude me. I’m back at the pub crawl, I can’t just sit there and enjoy a beer as we go from bar to bar. I’m slamming down shots. I have an objective. I know what I want in the end and I am trying to get there as soon as possible. I no longer feel like time is on my side. I don’t have time for guys who want to “take things slow” because their idea of taking things slow still entails sex, companionship, and getting together yet no commitment. That was cool when I was 22 and the idea of marriage literally made me nauseous, but I’m not 22 anymore. Unlike what their packing, my eggs cannot live forever.

I never really wanted children. I was all about the career. I’m a career woman! I wrote a book! I have awards! I have all those things, but try cuddling up with a book each and every night alone. I’m starting to hate reading. I am thinking realistically. It is not that I want children, but I want the option to have them if I decide to want them and with no steady relationship in sight, it is scary that I don’t even have the possibility.

Well, it’s another day at the office. I am slamming perv guys who are emailing me on Plenty of Fish in between finishing up my work. One guy messaged “when are we gonna sweat together.” At this point I have no expectations, but I was curious if he was truly just being a perv.

“Sweat together? Where?” I asked, giving him plenty of rope to hang himself.

“Go hiking or something over near me,” well the guy lives the next state over. If he thinks I am driving to see him he is crazy. And a hike for a first date? Not only dangerous, but cheap. I have had it. It takes me over an hour to get ready for any date. I am a beautiful perfectionist and I will not look better than my best when I go out and time after time I spent hours getting ready to end up on a date where the guy doesn’t even want to pick up the tab for a $2 coffee. I have become an expert at screening them ahead of time and not even bothering.

“Something near u?” I innocently asked, ready to come in for the kill.

“What do u recommend?” he responded.

“Not going hiking on a first date.”

He then suggested coffee. Aw how thoughtful.

I am too busy and certainly not bored enough to drive a half hour across town to meet this fool for Dunkin Donuts. I would rather stay at my desk writing and pop in another Keurig than bother. It’s not about money it’s about effort and objective. At this point I would refuse the ritziest offer if I sensed it would not be going anywhere. I will just spend my time doing what has got me the farthest (work) and let the relationship chips fall where they may. You never know how your luck can change. So I beg the question: can you relate? Please share in the comments section.

So about that royal baby. Good for them. And for me, I will stay optimistic. You never know, maybe I will just find a baby like in The Hangover?

Stu Price: So, uh, are you sure you’re qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan Garner: What are you talking about? I’ve found a baby before.
Stu Price: You found a baby before? Where?
Alan Garner: Coffee Bean.

 

 

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Oscar Pistorius: The Tragic Hero

Three weeks ago, if had you visited Oscar Pistorius’ Wikipedia page, you would read about a hero. His story was a noble tale of overcoming the odds. Pistorius, a double-amputee athlete, participated in the world’s biggest athletic events (most notably the 2012 Summer Olympics) alongside “able-bodied” competitors.

Pistorius was born with fibular hemimelia, a disease characterized by a “congenial absence of the fibula,” bones located in the lower extremity of the leg. At 11-months-old a large portion of his legs were amputated. Despite his physical limitations, Pistorius excelled at athletics inevitably gaining the nickname “the fastest man on no legs.”

This write-up reads like an obituary and in a way it is. Pistorius’ tale borrows many characteristics from the structure of a Greek tragedy. He is indeed a “tragic hero” and within this thought lies the clue as to why some people are so devastated that he committed this crime.

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Good Evening!
Please take a minute to check out my new piece, “The Self-proclaimed ’53 Percent.'”

I also appeared on Huffpost live today to discuss my two favorite Republicans of all time Mitt Romney and Elizabeth Hasselbeck!

Huff Post Live’s Community Sound Off

Click here to watch

Best,

Hayley

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Todd Akin’s Irresponsibility Outweighs his Arrogance

Yesterday, I participated in a discussion on “BBC WHYS” called “WHYS 60: Survivors of rape have their say.” The discussion included five other rape survivors and the input from a group of survivors was extremely thought provoking.

Though many of us were from different countries, we shared a lot of the same experiences and injustices regarding our backgrounds dealing with being a victim of rape. One of the topics was our reactions to Todd Akin’s now infamous comments on the subject that he titles “”legitimate rape.” rape.” How did we feel about these words? Did they make us upset or angry?

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TUNE IN TO NPR AT 1 PM EASTERN TIME TO LISTEN TO ME TALK WITH OTHER VICTIMS OF RAPE.

TUNE IN TO NPR AT 1 PM EASTERN TIME TO LISTEN TO ME TALK WITH OTHER VICTIMS OF RAPE.

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Kisses in Parking Lots

A nice dinner and a little walk primes my pump for a kiss.  When you meet someone on the internet you already know quite a bit about them and you like them.  So the face to face meeting is a little different from meeting for the first time and kissing.  I have had four kisses in parking lots this past year and they were all very good and led to absolutely nothing.

Joe looked like a great prospect because he reminded me of my old boyfriend. We had Mexican Food and talked about his service in Vietnam.  He knew things.  His job was intense now and he was still part of an operational team that was focused and severe except now he was selling commercial kitchen fixtures.  I liked his bravery and as we walked around the block I told him he was lucky to have survived.

“I just know how to run fast.”  That is what I liked to hear.  He wasn’t out to do anyone harm while he sidestepped thru the puddles and over the curbs nicely.  We held hands and I felt safe with him as the evening drew to a close and he walked me back to my truck.  When we kissed it was strong and satisfying.  I touched him and he invited me back to his place.  It was very tempting.  He lived just a few blocks away.  But I zoomed off in my truck and never saw him again.  I was glad I hadn’t slept with him and never heard from him. Apparently he was one of those fellows who is just too busy being part of a team to see the value of one little lady’s attention.

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Filed under Heart, Love, Passion, Sex, Uncategorized, Women

Lonely in Cyberspace

I inhabit a virtual universe called Second Life where you create a very life-like avatar, own land, create art, go to concerts, meet people from all over the world and have love affairs.  I have been on the site since 2006.  I feel like I really do have a Second Life. What’s strange is I can feel just as lonely in Second Life as I do in my First Life.  Tonight when I came home I missed my deceased boyfriend, looked at my bleak email and facebook lists and then went on the website Second Life and had the same feelings.


My boyfriend and I used to each have avatars in Second Life.  His avatar had marijuana wings and Jamaican dreadlock hair.  He never really had the imagination to play as much as I do in Second Life, but we had some fun times together there and he met some of my friends there.  He even met one of my boyfriends from Second Life in real life when he came to San Diego in his plane and we met him for lunch at the little airport near our house.  My boyfriend used to be a pilot too.

The connections in cyberspace can make life feel less lonely too. It enables me to live alone and be creative and still have contact with other people in a quiet non intrusive way.  People in real life tend to me messy and loud.  It is nice to have friends in the computer who are there when you need them and quiet when you don’t.

The emotional attachments to other people’s avatars can be very real and intense.  Meeting someone at a bar in Second Life or through online friends is just as exhilarating there as it is in real life.  The sexual attraction to someone can be instantaneous or build over time.  There is any kind of sensual pleasure you can imagine in Second Life. Some people choose to have avatars who are beautiful tigers that lay around in a pack and talk to each other, snooze and preen.  I know lairs of dragons and clubs of Shemales. In Second Life there is an adult section, a teen part and a general part, but when I joined in 2006 everything was blended together.

Back in 2006, when I started, casinos were legal in Second Life and so many people were at those sites they would crash the sims.  There are still plenty of game areas and there are simulated warrior battles too. There is a strong vampire community in Second Life and many Gorean based groups.  The Steampunkers are an imaginative bunch and I love to play with the mermaids and explore their underwater sites.

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Filed under Art, Friendship, Love, relationships, Sex, Uncategorized

Sleeping with Love

“I can’t sleep with a woman I don’t love.”  So that might mean that he falls in love with lots of women or not many at all.  It might mean that he really wants to make a life with you or just that he knows how to write love poems and songs to make you think it is love, but when times get tough he disappears.

The younger generation is experimenting with sex as physical exercise.  I have had lovers with no connection to love who know how to make the whole experience a glow for my body.  I like love making with no strings attached if the partner is gentle and knows what he is doing and goes home before he starts snoring and hogging the covers.

Some people want a love that lasts forever and yet that is impossible.  One way or another you are going to lose the person you love.  Unless you believe in life after death and the ability of love to survive even that final loss, we are all alone.   So when I found someone who turned me on I was glad when I experienced that release.  They are all gone now and I am alone.  Do I love myself?

Falling in love is wonderful energy.  Giving yourself to another person and opening like a flower under their touch is addicting.  I think of the birds pursuing each other thru the trees and getting that brief moment of high energy when they come together.  The female bird finally stops struggling and trying to flee.  The male bird brings his gift in and releases it into the womb so that a new life can be born.  Some go their separate ways and some build a nest together and raise their babies.  Some mate for life.

Building a bond with another person is bondage.  You both lose some of who you are, but take the pleasure that comes after surrender.  When you have a partner who knows how to please you and you know how to please them, that bond is like steel.  If you can keep the passion alive and build your nest you have a chance at prolonging love.  But if you can’t build the nest don’t despair.  There is love all around us at any moment and sleeping with a person you love is always possible. I purposely used the term “sleeping with” in that sentence instead of “having sex.”   When you find someone you enjoy being in bed with and wake up in the morning with you have truly found a treasure.

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I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell soon to be on Paperback? And on Oprah’s Book Club 2.0?

 

Ok so I know one of the two above statements to be a fact- the other to be my clever attempt at using “the law of attraction.” If you haven’t yet checked out my new book, I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell , make sure you check it out! Or if you prefer paper- it will soon be coming out on paperback (and then hopefully to Oprah’s Book Club 2.0 it goes!).  Or maybe it will become a Kindle Single?? The sky is the limit! Wish me luck! XO

Hayley

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Suicide- The Failsafe

I have been up for hours and am exhausted before the clock strikes eight. I eye the sink full of dirty items while the dishwasher lies four inches to the left. The house is silent and soon I know the air will be filled with anger.

 Walking outside I water the recently planted hydrangeas, knowing full well once I leave they will die, much like the limited peace that lies between the walls. I have come to think the house is cursed but then realize that things were like this before anyone moved into this home. Years of anger still scream through the roof and the house wants me back – but I will never grant the inner walls their wish.
 The large dog sits with me on the swing and cuddles next to me. He knows I will soon leave and his life will become empty again. My heart cries for him but it is either his life or mine and there is no other solution.

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