Tag Archives: mothers

Mommie Dearest

What is it like to grow up with a parent who is not only abusive but a martyr? Hell. That’s what. I told myself I wouldn’t do it, but today I am going to write about my mother. She has pushed me over the edge. I want to make it clear that I do not have that mommy complex that causes a child to constantly try to win her mother’s love and approval (although my mother actually has this complex, but that’s another story). I gave up on winning my mother’s love and approval years ago because sadly, she is incapable of those emotions. I am not saying this to be snarky, it is true. She has some type of mental and emotional disorder that she refuses to seek treatment for. In addition, my mother is suffering from multiple sclerosis and refuses to take care of herself or her medicine. Instead she prefers to bitch and complain about it all day long, every day, about how much pain she is in- and then refuses to take pain killers too.

She doesn’t want to do anything- she is depressed and this is one of her symptoms. However, she refuses to take medication for her depression. Additionally, over the years she has degraded and knocked me when I took it upon myself to seek counseling for issues I had. She made fun of me and called me crazy- and this is something that has continued into my adult life to this day.

When I was leaving one of my last abusive relationships, a friend had to lock me in his kitchen to keep me from going back. Before he “let me go” the next morning, he sat down with me to make a checklist called “Things Hayley will Do Starting Now!”

One of the things on the checklist was “Stand up for yourself.” At the time I didn’t feel I could. In the midst of making this checklist he asked me why I let my now ex boyfriend swear at me. I paused for a moment to think. “My mother talks to me even worse.” Now mind you- I was 23 years old when this happened and my mother was still talking to me this way! Even at that old age my mother still yelled at me, called me names, and swore at me whenever she felt like it!

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Filed under relationships

Repeat Relationships: What Story Do You Keep Retelling?

Warning: When Participating in Relationships You Run the Risk of Getting Hurt

That’s what they say- if you don’t want to get hurt, lock yourself in your boudoir or something. When I was younger, the more someone warned me not to go out with a person, the more I wanted to go out with them and to prove the other person wrong. I thought I was Cinderella when her evil step mother locked her in the basement to keep her from meeting the prince. I thought maybe they were trying to keep me away from the guy because they were jealous and wanted him for themselves. Nope. They were worried, and they had reasons.

I heard a wise man talking about the way we repeat the same patterns over and over again in our lives; the same scenario but with new people every time. It is the same, he said, as when a small child wants you to read them the same story over and over again. I can’t stop thinking about this. It is a significant statement, but I don’t know why. It may be the key to me breaking jerk-dating pattern. I remember when I was a child I would want to read the same story over and over again or watch the same movie over and over again. Each time was equally if not more satisfying than the first. It never got boring. Why?

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Filed under Fairy Tales, relationships