by | March 30, 2013

He Said He Loved Me: the Psychology Behind Intimate Partner Violence

Understanding the motives and actions of an abuser is often difficult and confusing for a  victim to comprehend. How could he say he loved me, share a roof with me, and children with me yet hate me so much? Many women and men find themselves pondering this question because even when the relationship ends there are a multitude of questions left unanswered.

When I was a teenager I went out with a guy who was the classic abusive boyfriend in every way. He tried to dictate who I spent my time with, didn’t like any of my friends or family, and tried to isolate me from them. Although he didn’t want me to be around any of them it seemed that he didn’t want to be around me either.

Ten years later I met up with him again. Enough time had passed for me to start to see the relationship in a different light. I thought mainly of the good times and romanticized the whole thing. And somewhere along those daydreams I started to believe that he really had loved me.

So we started communicating again and one night we met up. That night he tried to sleep with me. I politely declined. The next day after exchanging a text or two I never heard from him again. I was devastated. How could he have no feelings for me? How could he have said he loved me, then years later not even like me? He wasn’t even considerate enough to answer my last text message.

When I realized he had cut me off and that I was never going to hear from him again it felt like I’d gotten hit by a truck. It was soon after that that I had the realization that he never loved me. He hadn’t even liked me.

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by | March 27, 2013

Why I Am Abstinent

Over the last year and a half I have dated over 100 different guys. I’m not into dating though. In fact, I hate it. I didn’t start off looking to date. Like a lot of women I was looking for someone to begin a serious relationship with. However, that really never got off the ground and instead I found myself in serial dater territory. Through my experience in the last year I have learned that the modern US dating scene is truly the “land of free milk and cows,” and because of that sexually conservative women like me are having a next to impossible time finding anybody willing to wait.

I’m no virgin, but I remain abstinent in between long term relationships. And it has been a long time since I’ve had one. I haven’t given in and slept with anyone for several reasons. One of those reasons being that I do not want to be objectified and used for sex.  Of course even in a long term partnership you can be used and disposed of, which is something I talk about extensively in my book I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell.

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by | February 25, 2013

Oscar Pistorius: The Tragic Hero

Three weeks ago, if had you visited Oscar Pistorius’ Wikipedia page, you would read about a hero. His story was a noble tale of overcoming the odds. Pistorius, a double-amputee athlete, participated in the world’s biggest athletic events (most notably the 2012 Summer Olympics) alongside “able-bodied” competitors.

Pistorius was born with fibular hemimelia, a disease characterized by a “congenial absence of the fibula,” bones located in the lower extremity of the leg. At 11-months-old a large portion of his legs were amputated. Despite his physical limitations, Pistorius excelled at athletics inevitably gaining the nickname “the fastest man on no legs.”

This write-up reads like an obituary and in a way it is. Pistorius’ tale borrows many characteristics from the structure of a Greek tragedy. He is indeed a “tragic hero” and within this thought lies the clue as to why some people are so devastated that he committed this crime.

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by | February 23, 2013

The Appeal of the Bad Boy and How Women Get Sucked In

In 2011, I remember coming across this headline: “Why Did Kat Von D Tattoo Jesse James’ Face on Her Body?” Wow, good question! Von D  swore she’d never laser that baby off, but as of December 2012 she has started the removal process. It is not that simple. It is reported that it will take “anywhere from five to 15 laser sessions, with eight weeks of healing time in between.”  That sounds about right, because when you date a bad boy, it will take just as long or maybe longer to get him out of your heart…

When I was done rolling my eyes at the headline, I was compelled to read the article. I could not help but wonder how a talented and well-known tattoo artist like Kat Von D walk right into this? You are never suppose to tattoo the name or the likeness of a lover on your body! She’s a professional tattoo artist. She should know about the curse!

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by | February 22, 2013

He Almost Killed Me

Oscar Pistorius and Reeva Steenkamp’s story is consistent with a typical abusive relationship. We will never know exactly what happened on Valentine’s Day in the home of Oscar Pistorius.

“Pistorius said in an affidavit read in court Tuesday that he and girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp, a 29-year-old model and budding reality TV star, had gone to bed and that when he awoke during the night he detected what he thought was an intruder in the bathroom.”

This resonates with the dynamics of many abusive relationships in which outsiders rarely see any evidence that abuse has occurred. Ideally for Pistorius, the possible abuse and inevitable murder of Steenkamp would’ve gone unnoticed. But it didn’t. A witness heard screaming before the shots were fired.

Despite the account of the witness, Pistorius continues to play the role of innocent victim and garner sympathy from his supporters for the “accidental” shooting death of his girlfriend. His actions are an example of a pathological sociopath at his finest. How do I know? I went out with one and he almost killed me.
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by | February 14, 2013

So… Why are you single????

In honor of Valentine’s Day I painted my nails black. Here’s why: I never really had a pet peeve before, but today I think I’ve finally found one: people who take you aside at a party or group and give you a very deep stare and in a very quiet tone look ask “So, why are you single?” Well, Katie Couric, let me tell you how it all started….

How do you answer a question like that? “What can I say? I make bad decisions.” (That’s the best answer I can come up with). Are they expecting some sort of sob story? Or are they just nosy and trying to delve deep into your psyche- curious to uncover just exactly is wrong with you? I think it’s the latter… Well it’s great to know that I’m not the only one making bad decisions. Check out the studpidity I pulled off various dating sites…. Maybe next time someone asks me ‘why are you single?’

lies
Who’s up for dinner? And a movie? And some lies? Anyone who goes out with this guy (after seeing this picture) is just plain stupid…
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by | February 8, 2013

Kick Me in the Balls?

Ya, so I will be using this blog to post ridiculous things I find on online dating profiles as well as some stories about my own dating disasters (and believe me, I have plenty of those)…. Thank God I have a good sense of humor. Though I’m another year older which means I’m about thirteen eggs dryer and still single with no prospects or knights in shining armor on the horizon, past the horizon or even beyond the horizon when I’m viewing it through binoculars. I try to laugh about these things. Ha. Ha. Aren’t they hilarious? Anyways….

This guy is pretty funny. Below is an excerpt from his Plenty of Fish Profile.

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Hmmm. I believe we (you and I) read that right… That this man is indeed seeking a nice lady to “hit him in the balls.”  You learn something new every day don’t you? According to him, “Yes, people are into that.” Who am I to judge? Thinking about it for a moment, I’ve come to realize there are lots of guys I’d like to hit in the balls!!!

Below is a picture he posted of himself. Since the picture is lacking a face, I am not particularly sure if he specifically is one of those guys I’d love to punch in the balls, but I figure after a few dates with him, I could easily change my mind…

Screen Shot 2013-02-08 at 1.46.48 AM

Below I’ve also posted an extended view of his profile. It says he doesn’t have children. Well thank God for that one… Besides I’m thinking ball injuries could impair one’s ability to produce little ones. I’m not a medical doctor, so I can’t say for sure, but it’s certainly a shame, how guys can be so careless while women like me are forced to watch our finite supply of eggs slowly progress towards the negative…

Screen Shot 2013-02-08 at 1.41.26 AM

So what are your thoughts on this?

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by | January 18, 2013

Internet Courage

 

 

 

 

 

 

Internet Courage [in-ter-net kur-ij]

noun

1. (see liquid courage) Bravery leading to a form of brazen expression, often offensive, enacted over the world wide web

2. Typically much more intoxicating and ballsier than liquid courage

3. Shielded by a computer screen and readily accessible forms of anonymity, it leads (sometimes) sane people to do or say things they wouldn’t typically do in real-life interactions

Example Sentence

If it wasn’t for internet courage, he wouldn’t have sent Jane those unsolicited picture-texts of his pecs.

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by | December 17, 2012

We already had an Assault Weapons Ban, Remember?

Guns Used in Sandy Hook Elementary School Massacre

“In addition to the gunman, blood is on the hands of members of Congress and the Connecticut legislators who voted to ban guns from all schools in Connecticut (and most other states). They are the ones who made it illegal to defend oneself with a gun in a school when that is the only effective way of resisting a gunman,” says Larry Pratt.

What is wrong with Larry Pratt, of Gun Owners of America and those who think like him? Tonight on “Hardball with Chris Matthews,” he pretty much admitted his intention to commit treasonous acts against the United States government.

During the show, Pratt resisted the proposition of legislation for an assault weapons ban. But why? Did everybody forget that this assault weapons ban legislature is not new? That at one time it did exist and was signed into law in 1994 by former President Bill Clinton? The ban lasted for 10 years until President Bush, who promised to renew the ban during his 2004 bid for office, inevitably let it expire.

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by | December 14, 2012

Fluffy’s Law

Horrific news from Connecticut today. Between these senseless murders and all of the other bad news out there regarding animal murders (most recently dead puppies skinned a live in PA, dolphins being shot to death etc)… I made a petition this morning after seeing this about a local dog on Facebook:

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Of course since this morning, 27 people (18 children) have been murdered a few towns over from me- by no means do I want to overshadow that atrocity (I just happened to write this before hand and need 25,000 signatures by January 13th!).

This petition, Fluffy’s Law, is going to the White House to demand harsher penalties for animal murderers and abusers. These horrific crimes upset all of us, but until more people put their words and thoughts of outrage into action, little will be done.

I put my thoughts and words into action and made a petition. Most people are too apathetic to sign it! Don’t be most people! I know what most of them are thinking, “I don’t have to sign it someone else will, no big deal.” Well ya, it is a big deal because I need 25,000 signatures and at the moment, I only have three (and one of them is, you guessed it, MINE!). C’mon people!

Please click here to sign Fluffy’s Law

The Petition reads:

Fluffy’s Law:

After going missing, Coty, a local dog was found murdered. Coty had been missing and rather than report the stray dog to the local animal shelter, the last person who saw Coty alive brutally shot him and disposed of his body in the Housatonic River.

These types of things happen every day. This year in my home state, we have seen senseless stabbings of llamas, and the beheading of cats. Recently in Pennsylvania, a bag of dead puppies was found. The puppies were skinned alive. In the last month dolphin carcasses have shown up on the Atlantic Coast with gun shot and stab wounds! Last year someone shot three seals point blank in the head on Cape Cod- I could go on and on… And the worst part, no one has been found or convicted for any of the above crimes!

US animals are subjected to random killings, bestiality, torture, neglect and abuse. With little protection, very few people are ever convicted for these heinous crimes. Even when they are caught, the punishment is for killing or abusing an animal is typically a “slap on the wrist.”

Let’s ensure that the punishment for the unlawful killing and abuse of domestic and wild animals results in a comparable punishment for the same crime enacted on a human being. Yes. I’m talking 20 years to life in prison and/or the death penalty for these sick animal murderers and abusers. Harsher punishment for these types of criminals may be the only thing to deter them from committing more of these disturbing crimes.

Please sign this petition and share it with as many people as possible!

 

Follow Hayley Rose Horzepa on Twitter: www.twitter.com/HRoseStudios

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