Is Maria Really Thinking About Taking Arnold Back? A Quick Look at the Psychology of Women Who Take Back Cheaters

I am not surprised to hear the news, that Maria Shriver is thinking about taking back Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why? Because she has stood by his side after countless alleged infidelities and indiscretions on his part. In one instance there is even video footage, indisputable evidence of him groping the breasts of a British morning show host. The footage is old was widely viewed during the his bid for California Governor Candidacy. Maria stayed with him for many years after this video was exposed; up until the discovery of a secret child he fathered with the house keeper. Even this isn’t enough to keep Maria away.

Many people argue that Maria comes from a family where the men are notorious cheaters so this is why she accepts her husband’s bad behavior. That in some way this is probably why she finds this type of behavior bearable, even acceptable. I disagree. It all comes down to self-esteem.

Putting the Man on a Pedestal: The Superiority/ Inferioriry Complex

When a decent woman who is not a cheater herself, like Shriver appears to be, continuously takes back a cheating partner it is likely due to an inferiority/ superiority complex. Look at Arnold: physically strong, masculine, attractive. He won Mr. Olympia six years in a row. After winning Mr. Olympia, he conquered Hollywood, when “Terminator” made him into one of America’s top action heros for years to follow. Then he became Governor of California…

From a woman’s perspective, when a man this successful wants to marry or date you, it is very flattering.  Out of all the other women in the world, he chose you? You must be special, it certainly goes to your head. In reality an intelligent woman like Maria, who even has an impressive pedigree of her own, is not immune to falling for a jerk.

She has stayed by his side all these years and defended his worst indiscretions. The idea that she is thinking about taking him back because of her religion is difficult to believe. The courtesy he has shown her throughout their marriage is disrespectful and abusive. Religion is not the reason she’s staying with him, she has an inferiority complex. It is likely that from the time she met him she put him on a pedestal not only because of his looks but his accomplishments. She knows she could get another man if she wanted, but in her mind  thinks something like what man could trump a man like Arnold? She has probably built him up so highly (in her mind) that she secretly feels that he is irreplaceable because he is. There is only one Arnold. She has tunnel vision and sees only him, ignoring the fact that there are billions of other men out there (literally) for her to choose from.

She Doesn’t Want Anyone Else to “Have” Him

Another reason why people stay with a man like this is because they don’t want anyone else to have him even if “having” him means not really having him at all. Staying married to or in a relationship with a man like gives the woman the illusion that he is technically “all theirs.” His affairs and flings will always be just that- affairs and flings- but Maria will be the woman Arnold comes home to forever.

Good Old Fashioned Denial

Denial also helps women like Maria stay in this type of relationship. Arnold is like a rock star, and there is no doubt that women have been throwing themselves at him since his rise to fame in the late 60’s. Maria likely has convinced herself that because of his situation with female fans some affairs are acceptable. Arnold is a man after all. If anything, she is probably impressed with Arnolds “restraint.” With all those women at his beck and call, he could’ve cheated on her a lot more than he already has, but Arnold is a family man, so he keeps it to a minimum. What a guy!

 Sunk Cost

And the final reason that women like Maria stay with men like this is rooted in the economic term “sunk cost.” Sometimes a person holds onto an item hoping that when they sell it on Ebay they will get the original amount they paid for it. They are usually dreaming because the value of most things depreciate the moment it leaves the showroom. Often the owner becomes so frustrated with this injustice, refusing the paltry amount they will get for this once expensive item, they satisfy their irritation by throwing it in their garage with the rest of the junk they don’t use rather than sell it for an undesirable price. Maria has put up with a lot of Arnold’s crap over the years. She has stayed with him through several indiscretions, so why give up on him now? She has put time money and effort into the relationship and she wants a return on her investment, without realizing that there will be no return on the investment, just more disappointment, depreciation, and disrespect.

To an extent, it is a lot easier to stay in a bad relationship then to get out and start your life all over again. But a relationship like this will age you. You will live a sad and miserable existence, even if you have a smile on the outside, deep down inside, you know you deserve better. No person deserves to be treated like this, but the woman who stays in a relationship with a cheater this for this long knows what things to expect in her future and respect is not one of them.


Filed under Entertainment News, Love, News, relationships

4 Responses to Is Maria Really Thinking About Taking Arnold Back? A Quick Look at the Psychology of Women Who Take Back Cheaters

  1. Paul Roese

    i can see your point and in general agree with you but there is the notion of forgiveness and people can change. you can never know the inner dynamics of relationships. something that looks wonderful or not so great on the outside may be totally different inside the relationship. i have known men and women who were not particularly nice people but when in the presence of their husbands or wives were the most totally attentive and pleasant folks you might meet. and these folks had been in their relationships for decades. Maria should have lots of options but she may have looked around and seen the grass is not so green on the other side. i mean if you look at all the celebs and wealthy folks who have multiple marriages and relationships. some can’t even stay together for a year. she may think ” he’s the devil i know. i put up with all his crap and have him somewhat trained. do i really want to start all over from scratch breaking someone new in at this point in my life. plus the kids mean he’s never going to be completely out of my life. so if he behaves it might work.” as far as i know Arnold was never abusive to her or the kids and he isn’t interested in her for her money. if it works for her and her family who am i to say she can’t take him back if he repents. i do think she should put him through his paces before he returns. if he is serious about a reunion he will do what she asks. i wish them well.

    • Hayley Rose

      Great points- especially about the one about celebs who have multiple marriages/ relationships- it’s not much better. Lately I haven’t heard many stories about happy marriages, and I have met some very successful intelligent people who have been divorced more than once. I don’t know what the lesson is here- maybe not to rush into anything. I am saying that I would rather get married at an older age than is considered average than be 40, divorcing, and now have to start all over again because.

  2. Paul Roese

    friend of mine told me his dad shortly before he died had made the comment that he didn’t think you would see many couples celebrate a 50th anniversary given the way things were going. at that point he and my friends mom had been married 40+ years. he said when he got married the expectations couples had were much more grounded. if a man was a good provider and treated his wife and kids well that was enough. he said he and my friends mom knew it wasn’t going to be easy all the time and when you hit a rough patch you just would grin and bear it. you didn’t expect your mate to meet all you needs and desires. today there is the paradox that folks have high expectations but also view relationships as much more disposable. some say, relationships are like constructing a building that will never be totally complete and even if it were still needs regular maintenance. in short it’s work and not always pleasant. no matter if spouses, siblings, parents, children, friends, relations all these relationships require some degree of effort if they are to be worthwhile. people walk away from relationships when trouble comes but wouldn’t abandon their house if it developed plumbing problems. werd

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