I’m Quitting Writing to Become a Stripper
Yeah, right. However, not long ago a male acquaintance suggested I do just that. This really blows my mind because he was the second person to do this in the last year. I am and have always been fairly conservative, kept to myself and not any type of exhibitionist so what is it that makes them say such things?
Well the first time this was suggested to me, I was still doing okay writing but not in the eyes of my friend’s boyfriend who said it. “You should become a stripper. You have the body for it.” I got mad at him. He didn’t understand why. He thought it was a compliment. I guess as a concerned friend, he thought it could really help pay my bills…
The second time it was said to me by a person who’s formal education exceeds my own. He is obviously a moron, though. Money nor degrees can do anything about that… ” You should become a stripper and write about it.”
“Ummm…. Diablo Cody already did that, but you know I don’t think there’s a male writer that’s done that…Maybe you should look become a stripper.”
When I was online dating, several times a week, I got messages asking me to be a hook up or friends with benefits. EW. The most recent message I received read:
“hi how are you? your really pretty. I don’t mean to be rude but would you be interested in a hookup or fwb at all? i just got back from afghanistan so its been a while haha”
Who do they think I am? The sex fairy? If I wanted friends with benefits or a hook-up, it wouldn’t have said on my profile that I was “looking for a relationship.” If a woman wants a fwb or hook up, all she has to do to find one is go to a bar at the end of the night. Sure whomever she finds may not be the most attractive guy in the world, hell he might not even have a job, but what does it matter- if it’s just a hook up?
I blame this somewhat on our culture. Look at the way women’s sexuality is played up and portrayed in the media. The keyword here is objectification. Women and girls are increasingly becoming objectified and at younger and younger ages. In the last year, many fashion houses and ad campaigns have been criticized for using highly sexualized images of pre-teen girls to sell their garments. Just take a look at this controversial spread by Vogue. It’s seriously disturbing and that’s just one publication, many more have followed. And who can forget the recent “Ashley Push Up Bra” designed by Abercrombie and marketed to 8-year-old girls. Sick!
The key ingredient missing in the interactions with these cultural issues and the men mentioned in this article is respect. They have no respect for women as a whole and I was lucky enough to get just a small taste of their ignorance (ignorance that no doubt stretches far and wide, like the ocean). I think it’s sad that some men- men who know me- not just men who have seen me on some stupid dating website, talk to me like this. I have never encouraged it or sexualized our conversations. I am fairly prudish outside the confines of a relationship or at least a romantic interest. It is cultural- women in this culture are not respected. Sometimes I hear men trash female senators and political figures and when I ask why they hate them they cannot articulate a sensible answer. This is why respectful men really do stand out. Nice guys don’t finish last, it is the aforementioned losers who will end up dumped and divorced at very young ages. I find that these men not only hate women but they are often racist and narrow minded to boot.
So when I have had these conversations with these men and when they told me to become a stripper after initially telling them to go fuck themselves, I realized they truly were ignorant and in some strange way felt they were genuinely giving me a compliment. How messed up is that? I saw it more as an attack. In my mind I wondered how they could say that to me especially when I do have a career that I have established through working my ass off and being broke for a long time because my dreams were always more important to me than money would or could ever be. And at the time when this career move was suggested, their advice was certainly unsolicited as I never complained about needing more money or being dissatisfied with my current profession. I guess they are just like rude relatives at family parties who ask why you are so old and not married, or if you gained weight, or when are you going to have children. They too think they are being helpful…
I do think culture plays a huge role in this- our puritanical culture has created monsters. I did an art show a few years ago- most of my current work consists of nudes. They are tasteful paintings and drawings in which there is a single model. There is nothing sexually suggestive about it other than the fact that they are naked- does the act of being naked alone really suggest sex? I didn’t think so- but I’m a mature individual who has been drawing nudes from live models since I was 15. During this art show in which I was asked to be the guest artist, once my work arrived I was asked to hide it. I was sooooo pissed!!! I never would’ve bothered if I knew my work was going to be treated like tasteless pornography- what an insult! “There might be children around,” was the reason she cited for making me conceal 90% of the work I brought with me. I’m sorry but I don’t think this is normal. In Europe they are not ashamed of nakedness like this. It is considered natural.
The puritanical culture has created sex maniacs and porn addicts while it has squelched the appreciation of art that reveals the naked body- and because of it many men view women as objects there for their pleasure- not people. This is evident in the way I was viewed from my male counterparts. They did not see my talent, my kindness or anything about my personality. They only saw me as what I could provide for them and the sexual needs of others. They only saw me as an object.
I have good friends that made tons of money.. but they felt the same way you did. Once I went into one to see my friend and the male mentality disgusted me
HUGGGGGGGGG
As a former stripper, I agree with you 100%
When I started dancing in the late 90s, there was NO WAY I would EVER let anyone from my real life know what I did. I was an elementary school teacher, and my father was a minister. When I retired this year, anyone who knows how to google “how to become a stripper” has found my articles on the subject.
From the stripper side of it…in the late 90s customers respected the dancers. We were tipped 20s and 100s onstage just to give them a smile and some attention. They couldn’t get in the door unless they were well dressed, and they knew that if they wanted us to sit at their table to talk to them they were going to have to pay us for our time.
Nowadays, guys come in wearing flip flops and shorts. They wag a dollar bill in front of us, and when we hold out our garter for the tip they pull it back and say, “What are ya gonna do for it?” Really…its a dollar…I will smile and pretend that you are attractive.
I also see girls coming in on the day they turn 18…excited that they are FINALLY old enough to become a stripper. When I was 18 (in the late 90s) I was still too bashful to even walk past the strip club that was 3 doors down from my gym in Georgetown.
I’ve actually seen more sex in the dark corners of regular bars here in Dallas than I have at the strip club. I find it quite ironic that here in this Bible Belt city there is a fine line between sneaking a quickie at Red River (the country dancing bar) on Saturday night and going to one of the mega-church services Sunday Morning.
The double standard is alive and well online dating. On the third date I’d usually fess up that I still danced two or three nights a month at The Lodge. That somehow put me into a different category of girl: “The Stripper” It didn’t matter that I run two other straight businesses the majority of my time…
Hi Rebecca, thank-you so much for writing in and sharing your story! It’s interesting that your patrons have become so downgraded over the last decade. A lot of these guys just treat women as sex objects and they don’t have to be in the adult industries to be viewed that way. Thanks so much for commenting
“our puritanical culture has created monsters.”— not so sure i get this as in a couple of clicks i can be viewing hardcore sex in all it’s “glory”. also since sex is used to sell everything from toothpaste to automobiles we don’t seem so repressed to me. personally i wish it were employed less as an advertising tactic. i can’t remember if it was Katie Rophie or another who was making the case for a return to the notion of modesty but a number of neo feminist thought the idea had some merit. i think the reaction to your art was the result of fall out of the culture wars. on the one side you have the anything goes crowd who would not have an issue with art showing the defiling of children and demand it be shown. on the other side are the puritans who are squeamish about naked bodies. the rational middle is completely lost. it’s what happened after Columbine and safety concerns over came common sense and kids were punished for bringing plastic knives to school to spread cheese on their crackers. it’s just the times we live in. how do we find our way back to middle ground?
Just when you think the world might evolve into something that makes more sense it gets even crazier. Strip bars have been around so long you would think they would transform into something that makes sense and gives women and men respect and dignity as they cavort around but they seem to just get more raunchy. Great post as usual, Hayley, and some interesting comments.
Thanks Z … The exploitation is really going too far in this country especially with the blatant sexualization of preteens girls in such popular magazines and clothing outfitters