1. One small candle holder that says Sanda and Dean’s Jack and Jill
2. A picture frame from Nick and Beth’s Wedding
3. A small black guitar pick.
4. A chip on one of my front teeth.
5. A small scar above my left eye
The items I could throw out, I didn’t, and the scars on my person are reminders I’ll never be able to get rid of.
Filed under Growth, Healing, Life Lessons, Love, relationships
I have been writing pretty irregularly this week because I’ve been going to a lot of doctor’s appointments. One of my concerns happens to be a lump in my throat. Every time I swallow I can feel it. I told the doctor a little bit about when I started to notice it.
Around the time I broke up with the guy who almost killed me, I began having trouble breathing. It would only happen when I was driving alone in my car and when there was nothing in the car for me to drink. At first my throat would become dry and I’d begin to choke.Then I wouldn’t be able to breath. I’d begin to panic, and inevitably my breathing would come back, except for one time, where no matter what I did I could not breath. I became terrified and gasped for air as I choked on nothing.
A friend pointed out that it was interesting that I was having panic attacks in which I was unable to breath because when my ex-boyfriend almost killed, it was through suffocation.
I ran into a friend yesterday, a cancer survivor. Talking about her illness and surviving stage three cancer, she spoke these poignant words, “You just never think it is going to happen to you.” This is how I felt about almost being murdered by my ex-boyfriend and ending up in a domestic violence situation in general. Like an unexpected diagnosis, no one ever thinks it will happen to them.
Filed under Heart, Life Lessons, Love
In Tucson, the avocados are less than a dollar each and much larger than the ones they sell back East, in Connecticut, where I’m from. In New England they charge over three dollars a piece for these puny little shriveled up things. Upon holding one of these so-called avocados in your hand, you will see that it has the texture and appearance of large peach pit. These avocados do not even come close to the firm fresh quality of the avocados sold in Arizona. Avocados are climacentric, therefore commercial growers must pick them off the trees early in order to allow enough travel time for them to make it back East before rotting. This practice also attributes to the stunted, unripened quality obtained from these almost foreign fruits from afar.
When I lived in Tucson I found the most delicious avocados everywhere, even at the local Safeway. I utilized their luscious green flesh to make the most tantalizing guacamole. The recipe is simple. It calls for three avocados, the juice from two limes, a large tomato, a small red onion, and a pinch of kosher salt. I would fill a huge Tupper Ware container with the mixture and eat only guacamole for the following two to three days,depending. I always long for it, but making it the right way is actually a very expensive and complicated four-part recipe.
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Filed under Life Lessons, Writing
Check out my new post on The Veggie Stand: “Harassing the Vegetarian.”
Since becoming a vegetarian I find that many non-vegetarians are offended by my very ethical standpoint. Though I have never rubbed my ideologies or explained to them why I find the slaughtering of animals for food offensive, they still find something about me intimidating. The very idea of my vegetarianism has offended a handful of people within my friends and family circles. But why?
None of the offended people have ever had the intentions of becoming a vegetarian nor the slightest interest in vegetarianism, so why does my choice to be one offend them? I have had people make fun of me and tease me. Okay well that might just be playful… I have also had people describe in detail the gutting of a deer and how delicious the meat tasted. Now that was meant to annoy me. Most recently I had someone send me a Youtube video of a person chasing a wild turkey into a busy street. Why? Why do they send me such videos? I promptly wrote back- you do know that I LIKE animals don’t you? They haven’t answered me yet.
You can finish reading it here.
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Filed under Vegetarianism
I remember a while back when one of my friends broke up with his girlfriend. He was really upset. At the time I had just broke up with some one as well. I told him to think about how he was feeling -right at that moment- and to embrace all the pain, because that is what it is to be human. I told him to think about how human he felt at that moment and acknowledge those negative emotions. Feeling the feelings and consciously processing them would inevitably allow him to move past them rather than if he ignored them or refused to face them.
Once we have surrendered ourself to acceptance of failure- that there is no getting (or getting back) what we want, all we are left with is feelings of pain and disappointment. This is what many self-help writers refer to as “growing pains.” During our biggest disappointments and our most painful moments we are provided with unlimited potential for the growth and strengthening of our spirit. On the other hand, some people view failure and pain as the only lens through which we would be able to appreciate the good things in our life; that we wouldn’t appreciate the good if we didn’t have the bad.
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Filed under Friendship, Growth, Healing, Heart, Inspirational, Life Lessons
It’s my mom’s birthday today- so I want to start the morning by saying
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!
In our culture youth is coveted like never before- 50 is the new 30 they say…
I often get mistaken for being a lot younger than I actually am…people sometimes even think I’m only 18…Which is a great compliment but they’re wrong! I want to talk about how I’ve accomplished this agelessness… Like a lot of people, I had a lot of really shitty stuff happen to me throughout my life- and there was a point where I promised myself that I would try to make the best of my life and stay young forever….
Filed under Uncategorized
My Article “Are You Your Own Worst Critic” is now on All Things Healing. If you haven’t read it yet, make sure you check it out!
Many of us consider ourselves to be our own worst critics, and I used to think so, too. I was always so hard on myself to the point of perfectionism. Then one day I began to see things differently. I started to realize that other people’s opinions of me and what they thought I should be doing were so embedded into my mind that their expectations became stronger than my own wants and needs. I inevitably realized that the self-criticism that tortured my mind for years was not in response to my voice. In actuality, it was self-criticism and self-punishment for not living up to expectations of others. Slowly I began to eliminate their opinions.
If you have felt this type of guilt and thought this way, the truth is, you’re not really disappointing anyone through your actions. These people are only disappointed in you (when your actions differ from their vision of what you should be doing) because they are losing control of you. These are not friends, nor are they people you should be taking advice from.
Think back to the things you always beat yourself up over. Do you beat yourself up over failures that caused you disappointment or are you being hard on yourself for not living up to other people’s desires for who you are and who you should be? I guarantee that the majority of failures and things you hold against yourself belong to the latter category.
If there is such a thing as free is it really “free”? And don’t you think destiny always wins out in the end? Destiny really exists, in fact I think destiny actually exists in our minds- you may know it by it’s more common name- your conscious. We all know what we should be doing- we all know what feels right and what feels wrong- whether we will listen to our conscious or not is our own choice- this is where the free will part comes in. You have the free will to not do what you know you should do and to do things that you know you should not.
Every time I have gone against my conscious, not left a relationship when I should’ve, done something careless or stupid, things not only derailed quickly but sometimes violently.Things turning violent may be an extreme example, but sometimes destiny does what it has to do to get you back on track. How many times have you heard a story about someone who came down with a terrible illness; an illness that derailed all their plans yet ended up leading them to a more suitable path?
Filed under Destiny
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Last week someone who claims to be my friend, asked me this. It’s funny how the people who end up in your friend or family circles take the liberty to be such assholes once they think they’ve secured a spot.
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Happens to be one sentence you should probably never say to my face; though I’ve heard it countless times. The comment does not anger me because of the implication- that my job is lesser than other people’s. I am secure with my life’s decisions- aka my choice to not have a “real job.” The comment only angered me for only one reason- because this was not the first person that said it to me.
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Never. That’s when. But it’s not that simple. I didn’t think to say that at the time. I was, of course, off put by the rudeness and insensitivity of his words, especially since I always treated him with respect and kindness. Never would I drag his job through the mud the way they tore apart mine.
Filed under Friendship
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Last week someone who claims to be my friend, asked me this. It’s funny how the people who end up in your friend or family circles take the liberty to be such assholes once they think they’ve secured a spot.
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Happens to be one sentence you should probably never say to my face; though I’ve heard it countless times. The comment does not anger me because of the implication- that my job is lesser than other people’s. I am secure with my life’s decisions- aka my choice to not have a “real job.” The comment only angered me for only one reason- because this was not the first person that said it to me.
“Hayley, when are you going to get a real job?”
Never. That’s when. But it’s not that simple. I didn’t think to say that at the time. I was, of course, off put by the rudeness and insensitivity of his words, especially since I always treated him with respect and kindness. Never would I drag his job through the mud the way they tore apart mine.
Comments Off on Hey, Jealousy!
Filed under Friendship
