Author Archives: deleted-kh1FIPLe

Hunted

Someone once told me that rapists scope out their victims and deliberately choose certain type of person; who they view as easy prey. By sizing up their victim in this way, they gain control of the situation. When I heard about this, it really upset me, and I wondered if my persona could make me the victim of this violent crime once again. Once a rapist selects their target, they stalk him/her and plot their attack. Then they ambush their victim in a variety of ways such as coercion, date rape drugs, and violence.

There is a common misconception that rapists rape for sex. This is wrong. In fact, it is noted that rapists have access to legal sex; many of them have wives or girlfriends. Rapists rape for power. Serial rapists might even do it for sport, for some type of twisted thrill, that is perhaps comparable to the jolt of excitement kleptomaniacs cite to explain their addiction to stealing. After committing a rape, the rapist does not care that they just traumatized and possibly destroyed a living and breathing being. The rapist didn’t even consider that their victim was an individual with thoughts and feelings. The rapist only cared about one thing: getting what they wanted through control and domination.

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Filed under Animal Rights, Sexual Assault, Vegetarianism

Weekly Update

Hi Everyone! A lot of news this week.

First, I want to thank everyone for responding to my “Finish my sentence” exercise. It went really well, and there were a lot of great responses!

Secondly, my article “The Worst Piece of Advice Ever” was published on The Huffington Post this morning, so please check that out (feel free to share and comment!).

Thirdly, I would like to connect with some more peeps on Twitter, you can follow me at HRoseStudios!

Thanks! I wish everyone a safe Memorial Day weekend!!

Best,

Hayley

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Filed under News, Writing

OPEN CALL: Finish My Sentence

We have been given every reason under the sun to explain the ever rising costs of gas. Egypt, Libya, and now the yearly Memorial Day gas scam. I want to hear your ideas as to why the gas prices continue to climb. Finish my sentence:

Gas prices continue to rise because (insert ridiculous BS response here).

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Beating the Devil Around the Stump

Beat the devil around the stump- to evade responsibility or a difficult task. Old Western terminology.

What’s wrong with this country. Well a lot, but let’s start with healthcare. The United States is the only country of it’s caliber (“civilized,” modern, industrialized, etc) to not have universal heath care. For years people have considered Americans to be disconnected and ignorant of our European neighbors across the pond. It certainly seems we are removed from what’s going on over there, it’s scary over here; a real frontier. Those without healthcare are subject to death both mortal and financial. Disease and accidents are yesteryears outlaws. Will you dodge them? And if they get you, are you one of the lucky ones who have health care? Or will you collapse in the streets from illness or financial ruin; a sight reminiscent of the gunfight at the OK corral, where only a few unlucky ones got hit. Are you okay with our nation’s health care being as chaotic as Old Western vigilantism crossed with Russian Roulette?

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Rape and Gender Bias

A friend recently brought an article to my attention about a seasoned sexual assault detective who, after years on the job, was sexually assaulted. Aside from the irony of the victim’s profession, I read the article to see why else this story had attracted so much attention. It was not surprising to read that the officer-turned-victim experienced the same shame and anxiety that is common for most victims of sexual assault. Additionally,  like 95% of sexual assault victims, the officer did not want to report the crime to the proper authorities. There was only one outlier in this story: the rape victim was an adult male.

When most people hear the term “rape victim,” the image of an adult male is not what comes to mind. In cases of rape, men are usually associated with assailants rather than victims. Perhaps this is because 90% of rape victims are female, and the majority of rapists are male. These statistics do not make men immune from rape, in fact,  1 in every 33 men are sexually assaulted in their lifetime. In the US a sexual assault occurs every 2 minutes.

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Filed under News, Sexual Assault, Uncategorized

I Am a Rape Survivor Part Two: Turning Self-Abuse Into Self-Nurturing

Societies have stigmas. These typically vary from country to country and are based on outliers that differ from what a society deems normal. An unusual physical attribute or a mental or physical disability is sometimes enough to generate harsh judgment and alienation from others.

In Morocco, being a known rape victim is so stigmatized that they are often forced to marry their rapists in order to avoid this label. Through marrying their rapists, victims escape this scarlet letter in favor of a typically short and abusive marriage. These victim-rapist nuptials don’t usually last long, and they usually end in divorce. In Moroccan society, being labeled “divorced” is much more acceptable than being labeled “raped.”

Rape is my scarlet letter, too. Although people cannot tell I’ve been raped through common interactions with me, I used to think they could. As I silently suffered through the aftermath of sexual assault, my friends and family could tell that something was wrong but didn’t know what. Although it always clouded my consciousness, it still took many years for me to speak about what happened. As a result, my healing process began, and I never would have guessed that one day, being raped would brand me as undesirable.

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Filed under Healing, Sexual Assault

On Marriage and Weddings: Part One

The idea of living in a house, a place where I will likely be for a few decades with a man I am legally obligated to has never been my idea of happiness. It would likely evolve into the tragedy that was the movie “Revolutionary Road.”

In movies and in life, I know the boys always feel like they’re losing their buddy, whenever one of their friends get married, while women seem to rejoice and celebrate the event. All I know is that I have lost more friends to weddings than to traffic accidents, alcohol, or anything else for that matter. As I watch my friends lives change outwardly, families pulsating and growing, finances ebbing and flowing, I have remained outwardly one of the most static characters in my own life. On the inside I have changed but haven’t coupled up or even had the desire for children.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about weddings, in between going to them. I know if I got married and there was even a handful of people as unenthusiastic as myself sitting in the audience I would consider elopement. Why must we all attend these events? I know they need witnesses and maybe a wedding is a means to prove something to the other person- professing your love in front of a large audience and all.

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Don’t Fear the Reaper?

grim_reaper

Does the mid afternoon sunshine cause you to pause and reflect as you watch the particles of dust before you float around in the sun’s rays? I can remember how it suspended my thoughts to this higher consciousness since I was around five years old. I specifically recall one event. My aunt and grandmother would sometimes take me on day trips, often to Stockbridge, Massachusetts. On the drive home, one particular trip, I distinctly remember thinking as the sun shined through the car window and into my face, this is all going to pass before you so quickly and will be gone faster than you can imagine. Then I remember feeling sick to my stomach, that sinking feeling that sometimes lies in truths.

In retrospect, that’s pretty deep for a five-year-old. I knew then that life was fleeting, and that one day I’d be all grown up and that one day my grandmother would die, and that one day everyone else would too. But in that moment, a time when I was far away from death or illness, it felt like death was something that happened to other people, not my relatives. I believed this half heartedly hoping it was true like how older children still believe in Santa Clause, well, kind of, but know he’s a mythI experienced this feeling of living in a realm of immortality until of course, the day I was woken up by an early morning phone call telling me that my grandmother had cancer, it was that day I could no longer ignore the imminence of death.

Even after she died, and I was in my early twenties, I felt the same sense of immortality. It wasn’t until I sprained my wrist, my first injury ever, that I began to realize how fragile my life was. And of course, there’s nothing like a brush with Death to make you realize how quickly a life could be taken. When I talk about Death, I am not talking about it in the verb form as inthe act of dying. I am literally talking about Death himself, The Grim Reaper.

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Memories

It’s funny how memory works and how it doesn’t. How we remember things the way we want to remember them rather than how they really were. The new Britney Spears dance song, “Till the World Ends” is an intense pop club anthem that brings up many vivid memories from my past. Just hearing it takes me back to the days of finagling myself into clubs that were for 21 and older when I wasn’t. When I listen to this song, I can see the low lighting, and flashing strobe lights of the club. I can almost feel the vibrations of the speakers against my body as I picture myself back in time, dancing in stilettos in a glittering sea of people. It was a whimsical time full of fashion, fun, and fabulosity- wait, am I thinking of my life or the entire premise of the TV series Sex in the City?

Rewind. Most of what I described was true, the sore feet the next morning from the stilettos, the nerves wondering if the bouncer would let me in, the sweaty gyrating crowds. It was fun, those nights were late and full of alcohol and chain smoking, smokey eyed make up and the sparkliest earrings money could buy. The mornings were full of hang overs mainly, and then the inevitable memory recall. Who knew trying to think of the previous night’s events in chronological order could be so challenging? Then there were the inevitable conversations with friends about the night, the “I said what?”s, and the mocking of anyone who was exuberantly creepy or offensive.

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Weekly Update: Art Shows!!!

Hi Everybody! As implied by my title, nothing too new on the writing front- but I do have some exciting artsy things coming up this weekend! Saturday night the Freight Street Gallery in Waterbury, CT is celebrating their 2 year anniversary with an Art Show Up. Many local artists and bands will be there sharing their art. I will be participating in this show! Below I’ve posted a few pictures of some of the pieces I have in the show.

If you won’t be in the area I will share some of my work with you below.

It doesn't hurt to invite Frida to an art show

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