In the event that a Knight in Shining Armor arrives at your doorstep, tell him to get lost. Seriously.
Over the years, I have run into a few of these seemingly gallant fellows. They come riding in strong and confident on this beautiful white horse called Promises. Promises to love you, promises to protect you, and their main intention is to save you from yourself. Maybe you have a drinking problem or maybe it’s stress or psychological, whatever it is, it is clear that when he arrives, you are at a weakened state. That is where the promises come in.
Through all these promises, he is offers you a better life, if you would just get on the horse and ride into the sunset with him. It sounds like a great deal, what could go wrong? The answer to that is everything, everything could go wrong. For one, why does he want to take the time out of his life to devote so much effort to fixing yours? It seems like something a nice guy would do, right? Wrong. By buying into this man’s offer to fix your life and agreeing to get on the Promise that he is going to save you from the self inflicted pain you’ve been unable to save yourself from, you are giving up your self-control. He is not focusing his time and energy on your life out of kindness, he is doing this because his life is an even bigger mess than yours!
Is it sad that Scarlett O’Hara, Vivien Leigh’s character in Gone with the Wind, used to be my idol? Is it ironic that I too grew up to be emotionally unavailable and heartless? I’m not really heartless (my boyfriend has dropped the H-bomb a few times during heated disagreements) but I am without a doubt “emotionally unavailable.” I can be compassionate, caring, concerned for others, but when people show the same feelings towards me, I am often just plain cold, and unsure of how to react. This is a common defense mechanism adopted by many who have experienced excruciating pain and rejection. It is just one of the results of abuse and neglect. I think this is why I idolized Scarlett O’Hara. It was not just her beauty and tenacity, but the strength and power she gained from being unfeeling. As a young girl who had already experienced much sadness, I too thought I could just put up an emotional wall like she did; rather than internalize the pain, I adopted her “I can’t think about that right now. If I do I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about it tomorrow,” attitude.