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I have been MIA again. If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been I’m about to reveal my whereabouts: sitting on my butt in front of my computer (where I can usually be found when I’m not eating or sleeping). Yes I’ve been here the whole time…just busy working on something else…putting the finishing touches on my first book that is going to be released on Valentine’s Day. 2/14/12

The book, “I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell: Tales of Love Lost at Sea” is a piece of creative non-fiction. In it I write extensively about the relationships I’ve had. All stories are told through the lens of its underlying theme: the ocean. As I sit here rereading it I feel naked and at times, totally humiliated by the stories of my life as I see them there in ink. On the pages of the book I did not just share the parts of my life, or the deepest parts of my soul. No. It is more than that, it is the blood from my heart as it bleeds all over the pages.

So I will be working on this a little longer. Right now, I’m thinking that I wish I wasn’t sitting home alone but out throwin’ a few back celebrating Thanksgiving Eve. I’m also thinkin’ I wish the last guy I dated was all he pretended to be and more. I lay across the couch alone and picture him, or the idea of him here, with me. I remember when I was in love, so very long ago. I was so young and pretty. I thought I was fat. Go figure. My boyfriend was really a jerk but we had some tender moments. I cannot help but think of the time he brought over a bag full of candy so we could build a gingerbread house together. He said he was going to do this but I didn’t actually believe he would. This type of activity was not part of his character. He was Mr. Machismo. He showed up at my house later that night with a big bag of candy.

We took pictures of that night. I have pictures of him hands covered in frosting diligently tarring and shingling the roof. What a guy. I laugh at the memory, but cannot help but think about the thoughts I had regarding this night after we’d broken up. I had all these pictures, evidence of him making this gingerbread house. There was a billboard directly across from his gym. It would only cost a couple hundred dollars to get the picture of him sticking gum drops onto our gingerbread sidewalk, but it would be worth every penny….Just picture it now, all his juice head friends leaving their workout only to see their buddy up on the billboard making a gingerbread house! Revenge is sweet (in this case, literally)! I know how guys are. He would never live it down…They’d probably give him some ridiculous nick name- and maybe taunt him everyday when he walked past them and to the weights,

“Run run as fast as you can, you’ll never catch the ginger bread man,” and then they’d all burst out laughing and he’d tell them to screw off. How does that saying go? “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” Especially a woman with a brain and too much time on her hands.

The truth is, I didn’t do it. I didn’t have the heart to. But the idea of it still makes me burst out in laughter even at the most inappropriate times. Regardless of how horrible he ended up treating me and how our relationship ended, in that memory of us making a gingerbread house, I can remember someone who I think loved me. Someone who sat on the couch with me and let me sprawl across it putting my legs in his lap. I can try to picture him, or anyone sitting here with me now. But the couch is empty, the lights are off, it’s just me and the cat. So having said what was on my mind, I’m thinkin’, first of all, thank God for cats, and second of all thank God I’m not a cat- that would be so boring!

So you can read more about that relationship and a few more gems (sarcasm), I promise, in my new book. It will be available in print and for E-readers. If you would like to stay ultra informed about the book, visit the book’s official site and sign up for our mailing list (in the right hand corner of the page). Signing up for the mailing list will keep you updated on things like the book trailer, reviews, interviews, the official book cover, and various contests. You can also “Like” the book on the I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell: Tales of Love Lost at Sea’s Official Facebook Page

One can only wonder about love- I would like to end this with a quote from Chris Farley when he “interviewed” Paul McCartney in a skit on SNL, “Remember when you were in the Beatles and you did that album, Abbey Road, and at the very end of the song it goes ‘The love you take is equal to the love you make.’ Is that true?”