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Hayleys Comments · The life and healing after domestic abuse and sexual assault blog
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I was raped by a person I had been friendly with, at a party about 3 months ago. He is an addict and was very high when he assaulted me. Since then I spent much of the summer hiding from everything. I wouldn’t leave the house unless I had to, and didn’t want to shower or do much of anything. Recently I have been able to take care of myself again, and feel much more like how I was before. However, I have become interested in dating women and do not find myself as attracted to men as I used to be. I was wondering if this is common in rape victims, or if I am now realizing I have been bisexual all along. Thank you.
I am going to explore your question and write an article about it- I will email you to let you know when it’s published. I think it may be more common then not
Charlotte:
“I haven’t date in 10 years after I was raped in my early twenties.”
I read through your very honest story and first off I’m really sorry that you were raped. Here’s a shocker. I am a 44 year old male, who was raped and sexually assaulted.
When I was 24 years old I was kidnapped and raped at knife point by a stranger who attacked me in a shopping center. It was late, near 12 midnight and I was alone and was returning home from jogging.
I had previously read Haleys article “Dating after Rape” (Or Lack of Dating) and Haley because she is also a survivor of rape like myself and yourself is articulating what is very common and true about being a rape victem.
Dating is next to impossible after being raped because much of the normalness if you will about dating that happened prior to being raped seems far off, distant and impossible to grasp at.
Becauase a new and dangerous problems is trying to replace what had been safe and relationships that had been full of love and companionship.
Rape is anything but companionship. The rapist is not wanted in your life and is from every rape victems worst nightmare.
They are not warm, gentle, kind, compassionate people that we want to be intimate with us. They are violent offenders who pose the biggest threat to our safety, security and happiness.
After being raped I literally have found it to be impossible to trust anyone. Including friends and family.
Months after I was raped I kept the assault secret. I still have never to this day told my parents. I have told my sister and younger brother.
It’s almost like one of the most important aspect of dating and the element that creates something special and lasting between a couple is trust.
I can still remember my girlfriend before I was raped who said
“I trust you.”
This brings tears to my eyes realizing that that trust has been shattered.
I also feared that after being raped that it would change my sexual orientation.
But months later I found myself attracted to women in a healthy way.
But Haleys article is very true.
It has been ten years. I have not dated in a decade.
This rape has left a huge hole in my life.
Hayley, I stumbled on your image in a google image search for something else and have to say if that was you (brunette long hair) you are HOTTTTTT. There is no freaking way you should be single. NO WAY.
keep the compliments coming LOL Happy Valentine’s Day Harry!
Hi Hayley! I am a 17 year old rape survivor who was abused by an ex boyfriend throughout high school. I have always been quite social but was never a very emotional person, so reaching out for help in my newfound isolation has been a real challenge for me. Reading your posts has been SO relieving to me throughout this time, however; I even teared up a bit reading your ‘missing arm’ analogy because that is such a perfect articulation of all that I am grappling with currently. It feels so refreshing to not be alone. Thank you for having the courage to speak about these things!