Will I Ever Have a Normal Sex Life?

More than a decade after surviving rape I still wonder if sex for me will ever be normal. I am sure I am not the only sexual assault survivor who wonders this. Rape, one of the most violent acts known to man, is a violation of the most intimate parts of your body, parts that society encourages young women to protect, preserve, and save for someone special. If your first “sexual” experience is a violent crime, can sex and rape ever be dissociated?

It doesn’t exactly matter if you were raped before or after you lost your virginity. Regardless of when, the trauma contorts the way you feel about yourself and your body. Additionally, it confuses your sense of being a sexual being. People who have a good understanding of their sexuality tend to have healthier sex lives. Having good self-esteem and confidence enables them to feel sexually empowered, a mental sphere that is very difficult to reach after surviving rape. Rape is a humiliation that stays with you long after the actual crime has been committed.

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The N-Word, The B-Word, and Rihanna on Huff Post

If you haven’t yet read this please check out my new article, “The N-Word, The B-Word, and Rihanna ” on The Huffington Post.

A Dutch magazine claims to have used highly offensive terminology to refer to Rihanna in an affectionate manner. Oh really? Lots of people are offended and rightfully so. The two words, the “N-word” and “bitch,” share similarities when it comes to their evolution. Both are derogatory terms and both refer to very specific demographic groups. The “N word” has roots as old as our nation, while the root’s of the derogatory term “bitch” are even older.

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Is Maria Really Thinking About Taking Arnold Back? A Quick Look at the Psychology of Women Who Take Back Cheaters

I am not surprised to hear the news, that Maria Shriver is thinking about taking back Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why? Because she has stood by his side after countless alleged infidelities and indiscretions on his part. In one instance there is even video footage, indisputable evidence of him groping the breasts of a British morning show host. The footage is old was widely viewed during the his bid for California Governor Candidacy. Maria stayed with him for many years after this video was exposed; up until the discovery of a secret child he fathered with the house keeper. Even this isn’t enough to keep Maria away.

Many people argue that Maria comes from a family where the men are notorious cheaters so this is why she accepts her husband’s bad behavior. That in some way this is probably why she finds this type of behavior bearable, even acceptable. I disagree. It all comes down to self-esteem.

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The Problem with Homophobia

File:Bachmann2011.jpgIn this country, homophobia runs rampant. We are constantly hearing stories of bullied teens committing suicide because they are ashamed to exist in a world where they feel they will never be accepted because they are gay. In the old days, people, both gay men and women, were forced to marry into heterosexual relationships in order to maintain some sort socially acceptable facade. Even today, where major progress has been made, when it comes to acceptance of homosexual people, there are still plenty hiding from their true identities. Where there are people lying to themselves about who they are, there are unsuspecting victims who will likely be part of the wreckage left in their trail.

Over the last few years I have dated two closet homosexuals, without realizing it, at first. One of them kept making plans to go to the movies with his friend, instead of me, while the other was awkward in every possible interaction with me. Shaking when he went in for the kiss and then slowly backing away from any physical contact with me at all.

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In Memory of Video Stores on HuffPost

Everyone is very sad and mourning the slow death of book stores, while video stores too are all but extinct. When I am elderly I will surely be telling tales of going to Blockbuster on a Friday night and browsing the aisles for the perfect weekend flick. “You mean there used to be stores where you would, go to to rent movies?” I can’t exactly imagine what type of movie technology we will have by that time, but I’m pretty sure the idea of going to Blockbuster on a Friday night will sound as alien as the stories my grandmother told me about the man who came around once a week to sell them big brick of ice for their ice box. Or how every other day, a milkman delivered fresh milk in slender glass bottles to her house. Or how each day they used to get two newspapers: one in the morning, the other in the evening. All of it sounds surreal.

I had a weird dream this morning. Aside from the beginning of it, where I was debating whether or not I should try out for American Idol, the rest of the dream was quite unusual. I was the passenger in a car. We drove through a shopping plaza parking lot. The sky was dark but then there was a rainbow that shot across it. My attention was diverted to the people who were walking on the sidewalk. There was something weird about them but at first I couldn’t figure out what it was, I squinted my eyes and looked harder, trying to perceive what it was that registered in my brain as odd-without-explanation, and then it hit me.

Please continue reading the article at The Huffington Post

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The N-Word, The B-Word, and Rihanna

 

A Dutch magazine claims to have used highly offensive terminology to refer to Rihanna in an affectionate manner. Oh really? Lots of people are offended and rightfully so. The two words, the “N-word” and “bitch,” share similarities when it comes to their evolution. Both are derogatory terms and both refer to very specific demographic groups. The “N word” has roots as old as our nation, while the root’s of the derogatory term “bitch” are even older.

Continue reading

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In Memory of Video Stores

Everyone is very sad and mourning the slow death of book stores, while video stores too are all but extinct. When I am elderly I will surely be telling tales of going to Blockbuster on a Friday night and browsing the aisles for the perfect weekend flicks. “You mean there used to be stores where you would, go to to rent movies?” I can’t exactly imagine what type of movie technology we will have by that time, but I’m pretty sure the idea of going to Blockbuster on a Friday night will sound as alien as the stories my grandmother told me about the man who came around once a week to sell them big brick of ice for their ice box. Or the how three times a week, a milk man delivered fresh milk in slender glass bottles to her house. Or how each day they used to get two newspapers: one in the morning, the other in the evening. All of it sounds surreal.

I had a weird dream this morning. Aside from the beginning of it, where I was debating whether or not I should try out for American Idol, the rest of the dream was quite unusual. I was the passenger in a car. We drove through a shopping plaza parking lot. The sky was dark but then there was a rainbow that shot across the sky. My attention was diverted to the people who were walking on the sidewalk. There was something weird about them but at first I couldn’t figure out what it was, I squinted my eyes and looked harder, trying to perceive what it was that registered in my brain as odd-without-explanation, and then it hit me,

“Why are those people in black and white?” I asked my Aunt who I now noticed was driving the car. Though the dream was in color and looked much like reality, the people in it were black and white like an old TV show or movie.

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Merry Christmas!

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Hayley Rose 2011
 This is in fact a genuine 50-something-year old genuine aluminum tree. This also happens to be my 2011 Christmas card. Card making is actually one of my favorite hobbies. More on that in the New Year! Merry Christmas!

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Art School Drop Out

Art school was everything it was expected to be; full of all the most eccentric-self-indulgent weirdos that one could handle. I tended to be more conservative in dress, aside from the glitter. I loved sparkles but I was still quieter than the general art school population. I had already gone through my goth, dark lipstick, green hair, pink hair, pot head faze in high school. Somehow, I made it to college, and now my education had a tab. I decided I would try not to waste anymore time or money. I immersed myself in the experience, eager to learn.

Most of my teachers were cool, but because of the curriculum, I was forced to take introductory courses. The assignments were very rigid and structured, and I didn’t do rigid or structured. We had one project which was based on Paint By Numbers. We had to first create an outline of our face, carefully divide it in the same way they divide topographical maps, number the various altitudes, and paint accordingly. I had to redo mine three times. I just couldn’t stay in the lines no matter how hard I tried.

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I Want You to Want Me

(This is actually from my first completed book- that is not yet published)

I remember when I was a teenager, I could never remember how old I was because I was always lying about my age (depending on what I was doing or who I was talking to). If it was an older guy I was dating, I’d say I was a few years older than I was. If it was a job that I needed to be legal for, it was 18. If it was a friend, it was my actual age. If I was trying to get into a bar it was 21. My lying about my age got so bad that there were times where I actually couldn’t remember how old I actually was.

At the time, I worked at a few bars under the pretense of being old enough to serve alcohol. One of the bars I worked at was pretty big and hosted different bands and radio stations every weekend night. After working there long enough, it became evident that the cover bands all played a lot of the same songs, Cheap Trick’s “I Want You to Want Me,” seemed to be on every band’s set list.

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