For a while I have been thinking about free will versus destiny. I believe that in a way they both exist, but I also believe that using free will isn’t always in your best interest. I see destiny as the path you’re meant to take and free will as the option to go off course. In my experience, going off course has only led to set backs, that for myself, resulted in wasted money, time, and opportunities. I had the free will to do what I wanted, to go off my path, and made decisions that I knew were bad for me at the time. I did what I wanted, and ultimately destiny’s pull was too strong to resist, and I ended up back on it’s path. I believe that following your destiny is in your best interest, and that while free will exists, utilizing it is not always a good idea. Below is an example of what I’m talking about.
Author Archives: Hayley Rose
Rape: Just Another Four-Letter Word?
The other day, I was texting a friend while driving. Well, I wasn’t actually texting in the conventional sense (that is illegal); I was speaking into my phone’s voice recorder, which takes what I say and transcribes it into text. So there I was in the middle of a heavy text conversation — as heavy as a text conversation can get — talking about how I was raped. I looked down at my phone and noticed that one of the words read “r****” in place of “raped.” “R****?” Really?
Not often is anyone daring enough to censor me, least of all my cell phone. In the past, I’ve noticed that the voice recorder has blocked certain words and changed them from their original form into a more symbolic “f***,” “b****,” and “s***.” That I can understand- well, no, not really, but I do know that the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) blocks many of those words on open channels, so in the conventional sense, I am familiar with those “swear” words being censored, but “rape?”
The rest of the article can be found here at The Huffington Post
Filed under News, Sexual Assault
You Cannot Kill My Spirit
…..or as Mel Gibson so eloquently put it in “Braveheart” “they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… OUR FREEDOM!”
He is right, but even after we die, memories of us live on such as those of his “Braveheart” character, William Wallace. Memories are powerful thought energies that hold our essence and spirit- hence the phrase about someone who was absent “She/ he was there in spirit.” Looking at new pictures of myself from a recent outing, smiling and having fun with friends, I was amazed to acknowledge that in them was the same person who experienced rape and abuse. People always say to me that they had no idea and that they never would’ve guessed those things happened to me probably because of my attitude. Continue reading
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Filed under Destiny, Growth, Healing, Heart, Inspirational, Life Lessons
“Are You Mad at Me?” On HuffPost
Please check out my new article about the residual effects of domestic violence.
I will never forget the dread I experienced when I was honest about my feelings with my abusive ex-boyfriend. Anything and everything can and will offend an abuser, especially when you disagree with him. What an abuser chooses to get upset about is their choice and is as unpredictable as the weather; something that was benign yesterday can be infuriating today.
Disagreeing with him was never a good idea. After doing so, I remember that sick pang I’d get in my torso as I awaited his imminent reaction. And even when there was no reaction, I found myself wondering and even asking him if he was mad at me. Why? Because that’s what I expected: He usually did get mad at me when I voiced my opinion. Why wouldn’t I worry? Anger was the typical response I got when I was honest with him about my feelings or frustrations. Even with no response, the push and pull of his abusive dynamics prevented me from thinking properly; I was left emotionally “hand shy,” inwardly wincing before each anticipated strike.
You can read the full article here on The Huffington Post
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Filed under Domestic Violence, Growth, Healing, relationships
Are You Mad At Me?
I will never forget the dread I experienced when I was honest about my feelings with my abusive ex-boyfriend. Anything and everything can and will offend an abuser; especially when you disagree with them. What they choose to get upset about is at their volition and as unpredictable as the weather; something that was benign yesterday can be infuriate them tomorrow.
Disagreeing with him was never a good idea. After doing so, I remember that sick pang I’d get in my torso as I awaited his imminent reaction. And even when there was no reaction, I found myself wondering and even asking him if he was mad at me. Why? Because that’s what I expected: he usually did get mad at when I voiced my opinion. Why wouldn’t I worry? Anger was the typical response I got when I was honest with him about my feelings or frustrations. Even with no response, the push and pull of his crazy abusive dynamics incapacitated my mind with fear and left me emotionally “hand shy.”
Filed under Addiction, Domestic Violence, relationships
I Was R****
The other day, I was texting a friend while driving. Since that is illegal- I wasn’t actually texting in the conventional sense- but I was speaking into my phone’s voice recorder -which takes what I say and transcribes it into a text. So there I was in the middle of a heavy text conversation- as heavy as a text conversation can get- talking about how I was r****. I looked down at my phone. R****? Not often is anyone daring enough to censor me, least of all my cell phone. In the past, I’ve noticed the voice recorder had blocked a few words from being transcribed and changed certain words from their original form to words like f***, b****, and s***. That I can understand- well no not really, but I do know that the FCC also blocks out many of those words on open channels, so in the conventional sense it is common in the US for those typical “swears” to be censored, but rape?
Filed under News, Sexual Assault
New on the Veggie Stand
Good Morning Everyone!
Please check out my newest article on The Veggie Stand, “Simplify: What Happens When You Remove Meat and Alcohol from Your Life?”
I have an anniversary fast approaching: the anniversary of my switch to a vegetarian lifestyle. I say “lifestyle” because it truly is a lifestyle change that effects every aspect of your life including your personality, your health, and even your relationship with yourself and others. Soon after the switch, I removed alcohol from my life too.
What happens when you remove both meat and alcohol from your life? Some people would consider living this type of existence the exact definition of the word “hell.” I myself once felt that completely removing alcohol from my life would never happen. I liked my frozen drinks and micro-brews. Somehow social drinking was a part of me that I didn’t feel the need to give up, drinking once a month or twice tops. In fact, when I turned vegetarian, I remember being excited that I could still drink beer.
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Filed under Uncategorized
You Could Be My Silver Springs?
Silver Springs? Hayley Rose 2011
Have you ever been exhausted from dating? I have! At first it felt great- to have so many dates lined up with men that seemed decent, were often cute, and successful too! And even better, they wanted to go out with me! Ah, naivety, it never goes away does it?
What ended up happening during this time in my life was much more bleak than the excitement I just exhibited (surprise, surprise). One lying man-child, two pretentious professionals, a normal guy, and a drug addict. Let’s start with the lying man-child who barely put effort into our dates. On the second date, we met at a sports bar, he showed up as if it was Super Casual Friday wearing track pants a purple T-shirt! Ugh. Then the professionals. We never made it to a second date. The first, a doctor, talked about himself the entire night and barely made eye contact with me. Then when he walked me to my truck, he tried to kiss me! He was extremely pissed when I didn’t let him. Then there was the lawyer, who also happened to be in love with himself but was considerate enough to ask questions about me, occasionally. He abruptly stood up while we were having coffee and cited that he had to get up early the next morning for work. Right. I didn’t feel bad, he was an atheist, I always question their motives. I feel like they are not so much non-believers as they are individuals who are angry at God for something and retaliate by denying his existence. Then there was the normal guy. We still talk, meet for coffee, and go for hikes together. We have become friends and have great conversations about all sorts of things like Native American spirituality and nature. Now for the drug addict, here’s where the story gets interesting.
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Filed under Addiction, Friendship, Heart, Life Lessons, Love, relationships
A Happy Birthday Note to Self
Let's just call this vintage artwork by your's truly courtesy of my father. Thank-you Dad!
Dear Hayley,
Today is your birthday and I would like to commend you on the progress you made over the following year. Though the year was off to a slow start with spotty employment, bad dates, and even a psychopath boyfriend, from my perspective the year as a whole, ended well. I attribute this mainly to the way that you refuse to ever give up.
I know you write a lot about the importance of not giving up and I hope that the people who read your column take this advice from your heart to theirs. The previous year for you was a year full of what I refer to as ‘growing pains.’ Growing pain years are full of emotional pain and torment. To make matters worse, during these types of years, the days seem to drag along extremely sloooowly. 24 hours often feels more like 48. The phone never rings and when it finally does, it’s usually a telemarketer. That was your 2009 in a nutshell. However, in a year like this when you are alone and faced with your grief, you are forced to tackle it head on; you cannot continue to ignore it like you had years prior (because let’s be honest, if you don’t face it, progress will continue to be slow or non-existent). 2010 wasn’t much different. Though much less emotional, it was time for you to get your health in order. 2011 showed improvement, though like anything worthwhile it too was something that progressed slowly; it are these slow times in life we must utilize in order to heal.
Filed under Growth, Healing, Inspirational
Chaz Bono Joins Dancing With the Stars: Will This Impact the Public’s Perception of the Transgender Community? On Huff Post
Good Afternooon Everyone!
My article “Chaz Bono Joins Dancing With the Stars: Will This Impact the Public’s Perception of the Transgender Community?” is now on The Huffington Post. If you haven’t yet read it please check it out.
In the past year, Chaz Bono has become the unofficial spokesperson for the transgender community. Right now, gay marriage in the US is an issue that most people are familiar with to some extent, while transgender individuals still puzzle and scare some people. With the opposition that gay Americans have received for demanding the same rights attained by their heterosexual neighbors, you can only imagine how a transgender individual would be received. The subject itself is still very taboo and saved for satirical movies like The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Often, transgender and transsexual individuals are considered more of a freak or joke than individuals with thoughts and feelings.
When I heard that Chastity Bono was going through a sex change, I was as surprised as much as anyone else. I’ve known several transgender people, none of whom have made the transition. It is understandable why there are not more people in the world like Chaz Bono. Most people would got be open and comfortable being their true selves when it so brazenly goes against the grain of what public opinion currently deems acceptable. But imagine what it would feel like to be born in the wrong body. That is often how a transgender person describes the way they feel about themselves.
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Filed under Inspirational